Ferry to Nanaimo. July 2nd, 2009 - thoughts for today.
Today I just finished an amazing 2 month course called Core Conditioning @ Fantastic Space - http://www.fantasticspace.com for any of you interested in taking some amazing professional and personal development courses. Vancouver, BC Canada. Instructor: David MacMurray Smith – By far the best instructor I’ve had the opportunity to work with.
As I’m writing this blog - currently listening to:
- Imogen Heap: Goodnight and Go, Headlock,
- Dave Matthews Band: Crash
Sunsets, Moonlight, Gratitude & Tribe
Took the first ferry out this morning at 6:20am. Currently on the last ferry, - - left Horseshoe Bay at 9:35pm.
Today is a rare gem, aspects of which I must write about so as to imprint it onto my memory until my end days. I truly lived, loved, received, gave, experienced, shared, cried, laughed, spoke my mind, and thrived. I pray that you have many day-gems for your memories. And if one doesn’t come to mind straight away, I pray that my day can be a reminder of those moments in life that are more valuable than time itself.
And tonight I am filled with so much gratitude that my heart hurts. It actually hurts. And that’s ok – I’ve finally figured out that my heart is there to remind me to laugh and love and grieve – all at the same time. And I am twisting myself into each emotion trying to tag what I’m feeling tonight. Nope. All of the above – still everything. Hmmmm.
So I walk. Top deck. Warm evening summer wind mixed with dancing moonlight against a gently rocking ocean and a mandarin sunset. First around the boat once to clear my breath. Second time around the deck to find my pace. It begins slowly, and by the third time round, my stride is a relaxed heartbeat pace – and I realize I am in meditation.
I can almost see the whole Man in the moon. For years I would watch this moon – many times as a young girl with my father, as he would pull out the largest binoculars and we would watch the moon from a little window off the side of our house. The moon has always intrigued me. A male image inside of a female symbol. Transition upon transition, ebb and flow of our collective waters, balance of light and darkness – all captured in one solitary moon.
The slightly warm wind supports my body as I walk into it and around it and behind it and infront of it. It reminds me that air is liquid and as the sun begins to set – there is this incredible dance between the reds and oranges – and as I come around the front of the boat – there’s the moon again in her own sunlight. It is a truly magical night.
I walk and walk and walk and walk. And then, I finally find the emotion. It’s simple joy. Joy. Wow. There’s one I haven’t felt for a long time.
I follow the thread into my heart.
There are points in life where one meets a kindred spirit. We learn, laugh, exchange, perhaps share an ebb and flow, or perhaps two or three – and perhaps we sail together for a season or two, or maybe even decades. Sometimes we grow apart or continue to sail together – and life around us expands and contracts as natural as breath and storm.
Then there are spirits we meet that are part of our tribe. I am beginning to see a difference –their eyes are our eyes – somehow understanding is intrinsic in our natures and words hold no need. Years can pass before we meet, or perhaps we are entwined in a daily dance – but there is a deep connection that cannot be explained in any logical or outwardly fashion.
Our tribe – sometimes scattered – sometimes part of the biological family we came into – and many times not – I define as those spirits we have shared endless lifetimes with and have somehow managed to find each other and guide each other in this one. (sidenote – ‘lifetimes’ is a term I use loosely – haven’t really been able to grasp or define that yet – but feel as if there is a timelessness to the word that makes the concept of this connection much stronger)
My tribe is a dynamic sphere of souls intertwined with other glorious spheres, so beautifully intertwined in this dance we call life. My sphere is one that is strong, filled with all shades of colour, light and dark, and at the core of my sphere I am connected with spirits that are so dear to my heart – and I wish I could tell you why or how these spirits live in the core of my heart – but they are there and for the rest of my life will always be cherished and appreciated. For my tribe, I want to help them cross over to the other side when it is time for them. I would bend time for them if I could.
See, I never had a distinct ‘tribe’ that I felt truly connected to. I was always the freak, the weird one, the runt, the girl that was too short, too small, too wrong, too this or too that. I never felt accepted by any group – and was actually totally OK with this. I really do enjoy my own company – yup, am definitely a Leo, eh? I suppose all I’ve ever been able to depend or trust has been myself. As I grew older, I held many friends, but then began redefining the term itself. Now, as time continues to teach me to refine and redefine, I find myself allowing the term “friend” to still associate with my kindred spirit clan. But those that are timeless connections, the ones who I laugh the heartiest with – those souls are my tribe. And that number is very very small.
In my journey of discovery, I find that I actually do love many people – but not necessarily their behaviour. I find that I connect with so many cultures, shapes, sizes, smiles, experiences – and yet, through all that, there has always been a loneliness on my own boat – that is, until I discovered elements of my tribe. And slowly, I feel like the more I accept myself, the more tribe I am coming into finding. Funny that, eh?
So, as I finish my final walk – I lean against the rail and watch the moonlight and the first stars appearing - I thank the guides that have come into my life.
To my core tribe - I hold you in my heart over lifetimes – I gladly expand my space to hold you and am grateful that we share in this dance. May our spheres dance forever. You have my authenticity and loyalty.
To those who are kindred spirits – I gladly raise my sail and journey as far as the winds take us, I invite adventure, experience and wisdom. You have my sincerity and friendship.
To those that I have yet to meet – may our futures be filled with a fullness of experience – and may we meet in this lifetime. You have my openness and willingness to learn.